It’s an annoying condition that years of studying fiction writing taught me not to do: overusing adverbs in dialogue tags, speaker attributions whose purpose is to identify a speaker. I diagnosed dialogue-tag adverbitis (my name for it) in a book series I recently read. I enjoyed the story but was distracted by the amount of adverbs in the tags. Here, I discuss ways to avoid them.
1.) Replace adverbs in dialogue tags with action tags.
REVIEW: Action Tags (or Action beats ): Action tags replace or complement dialogue tags like she said and he asked. And for sure, action beats show the reader more than an adverb alone does. (Such beats can also break up lengthy paragraphs of dialogue and add interest.)
Action tags can show the reader the following: what the actor is doing, like eating or working; characters’ body language (nonverbals), bodily motions (like frowns, pacing, and knuckle-cracking) that suggest their emotions.
Adverbs tell how a character says something: she said timidly; he said nervously, for example. A good action tag will show the reader actions that suggest how a character says a line. As a result, the reader senses a mood, determines how the speaking character feels, and appropriately imagines how the character says a line.
Body Language (nonverbals)
Action tags describe characters’ body language. They may include motions and/or expressions the speaking characters make that express, without words, their feelings and concerns. Incorporating them into a character’s dialogue paragraph can nix the need for adverbs.
Examples:
- “I can’t tell you,” Jack said nervously reads better as:
Pacing, Jack cracked his knuckles. “I can’t tell you.”
- “I have a bad feeling about this,” she said fearfully reads better as:
As she stepped into the dark room, she opened her eyes wide, her large pupils scanning the room. “I have a bad feeling about this.” She tightened her grip on John’s arm and tiptoed deeper into the forbidden space.
- “Let’s go,” he said hurriedly reads better as:
Running out of the room, he eyed his watch and said, “Let’s go.”
2.) Dialogue
Creative dialogue can reduce the need for adverbs.
Example 1:
Have a character call out another’s behavior (nonverbals).
“Stop cracking your knuckles, Jack, and tell me,” Ellie said.
Example 2:
Add an out-of-character stutter.
Pacing, Jax cracked his knuckles and said, “I–I can’t tell you.”
3.) Special Combo: Action, Dialogue, and Pacing
Create a nervous mood by combining these three. Here, “pacing” doesn’t mean the kind you do with your feet. It’s the kind that sets a mood and either increases or decreases tension.
Jack wrung his hands, his eyes fixed on the door.
Ellie’s brow furrowed. “C’mon, Jack, please tell–“
“I can’t tell you.”
“But–“
“I can’t.” Jack held her arm and pulled as he scurried out of the house. “We have to go. Now.”
The short sentences and interrupted dialogue let the reader know the tension is high and Jack is speaking nervously, hurriedly, and maybe even fearfully. Assuming the unseen paragraph introducing this dialogue established that only Ellie and Jack are speaking, I didn’t tag every line of dialogue so as not to interrupt the flow.
Mix it up!
As the cliché goes, Variety is the spice of life. Adverb-replacing action beats can come at the beginning, middle, or end of dialogue, just as dialogue tags can. Sentence structure will vary according to the scene, mood, and your judgment as an author (who wants to create an interesting mix of sentences).
Example:
Replace excitedly in “We won!” Melissa shouted excitedly. (One could argue shouted excitedly is redundant, but for the sake of the current discussion, let’s just go with it.)
- Here are a few ways it can be done:
Melissa sprung from her seat, waving her lottery ticket. “We won!”
Melissa sprung from her seat. “We won!” she shouted, waving her lottery ticket.
“We won!” Melissa shouted. She sprung from her chair and danced around, waving her lottery ticket.
4.) Mood
As mentioned above, mood plays a role in pacing, thus sentence structure. Create mood through setting, action, and dialogue, and you might find you don’t need an adverb in the dialogue tag. (Consider using other literary devices as well, of course.) Below, there’s no need to add nervously or fearfully after she said. Action, setting, and mood establish that the speaker is fearful and nervous. At the same time, these adverb-replacement elements complement the story. They show and tell the reader a lot more than nervously or fearfully would have.
Example:
Scanning the murky room, Tabatha hugged herself and bit her lower lip, the sound of her pounding heart louder than the door creaking closed behind her. Chills prickled up her back when a flash of lightning lit up a wall of spider webs. “I have a bad feeling about this,” she said, gripping Tom’s arm tighter as they tiptoed deeper into the forbidden space.
Conclusion
Don’t overuse adverbs in dialogue tags. Adverbs are pesky modifiers that tell the reader little because they show nothing. Consider, instead, incorporating nonverbals–a character’s motions or expressions–into action tags. (But like anything else, don’t overdo it. Too many action tags, or not mixing up their presentation, can annoy or bore the reader. To complement nonverbals, set a mood through setting, dialogue pacing, and sentence structure (which controls reading flow, thus story pacing).
The above advice expresses opinions in line with a well-known, general piece of writing advice, “Show; don’t tell.” An adverb here and there isn’t a crime, but they don’t evoke imagery or add to the story. When overdone, they distract from the read. Nix adverbs and show with action rather than tell with adverbs. This will challenge your creativity and reward you and your readers with a better story.